


It's alright, it's alright.

by crumbleduppieceofpaper



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, Clexa as fuck, Deviates From Canon, F/F, god knows mine is broken, hoping to fix your heart a bit, the "I refuse to accept the canon" fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crumbleduppieceofpaper/pseuds/crumbleduppieceofpaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, I wrote this because Jason didn't give us what we deserved. </p><p>Alternate ending to 3x07. Slight spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's alright, it's alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Lexa, dead? hahaha no.
> 
> I wrote this up really quickly to fix Jason's mistake.

Clarke knew she had to go. She had to come with Octavia to Arkadia. When she first arrived in Polis, she had never expected to want to stay here, to voluntarily stay here. But she wanted to, now. And now wasn’t the first time.

But as much as she wanted to stay, Clarke knew she had no choice.

She was a leader, even if she wished she wasn’t sometimes.

 

 

Like hours ago, when Lexa said, “Who’s to say you can’t choose stay on this side of it?”, eyes flickering with hope. She had looked so doubtful before expressing those words, as if she wasn’t sure whether she should have that hope at all. And Clarke wished she could reassure her, could tell her that it was okay to have that hope. But she couldn’t give Lexa the reassurance she deserved, so instead she had made a joke and Lexa’s smile had been enough of a reward for her.

She had wanted to stay in Polis from the minute Lexa had invited her to. She had wanted to scream yes or just say something moderately indifferent like “That seems like a good choice”, something to convince both Lexa and herself she wasn’t _that_ excited.

But the truth was, she was incredibly excited Lexa had asked her to stay. Polis had started to feel like home. It wasn’t quite home yet, not without her mother and other loved ones there, but it was certainly much more home than Camp Ja – no, Arkadia, she still had to remind herself sometimes – had ever been.  

However, she knew she had to go back. As much as she had needed to stay in Polis after becoming the ambassador of the thirteenth clan, she needed to go back to Arkadia now. She spent the afternoon trying to convince herself to stay until Octavia came in and told her what she already knew. Her people needed her. And as much as she wanted other things, what her people needed came first. Lexa would understand that.

She wasn’t going to leave without saying goodbye, though – that much she granted herself. So she found herself in Lexa’s residence, walking through the room as if it was her own. She felt her chest tighten as soon as she saw Lexa, with loose hair and clothing more casual than Clarke had seen before – except for Lexa’s night gown, of course.

They exchanged some words and Clarke _knew_ this was only gonna hurt more when she had to leave and she tried, she really tried. But then Lexa said, “That’s why I-” and Clarke knew what it meant. And she really _did_ try to avoid what was coming, but it had been coming for way too long and “maybe someday” wasn’t enough anymore.

 

 

So she kissed Lexa and it was all she had wanted for months. It felt good, it felt necessary, it felt like a “finally” instead of a “maybe someday”. Lexa’s lips were gentle, but at the same time Lexa showed that she had wanted this too, had needed this too. There was a tear sliding down Lexa’s cheek and Clarke could tell from Lexa’s breathing that she was sobbing. She tried to kiss it away, tried to kiss all the hurt away. When her lips were locked with Lexa’s, there was no place for anything but joy.

It was no surprise that they ended up in Lexa’s bed, not with the way Lexa sat down and looked at her like she was everything. Like she wasn’t just a leader, but also a person and Lexa loved her for it, but at the same time Lexa understood what it meant to lead. Lexa was the only one who fully understood and the only one who made her feel at home and Clarke couldn’t do anything but cave in Lexa’s arms, let herself come undone on Lexa’s lips, crumble on Lexa’s body.

Clarke traced Lexa’s tattoo’s with her fingers and kissed her some more, until Lexa sighed happily, pressed a kiss to her shoulder and shuffled closer. She pulled her knees up against her chest and curled up against Clarke’s body. Wrapping an arm around Lexa’s body, Clarke kissed the top of her head and pulled her close. She had never seen the commander so small and it felt good to know that Lexa wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable with her. Lexa knew that she wasn’t going to abuse that privilege.  

Clarke listened to the way Lexa’s breath slowed down until she was certain Lexa was asleep. She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep as well, but however calm she was in this moment, she was still very aware of what she was about to do. However much she had let her guards down in this bed, she still knew that it was coming to an end and that she had to leave soon.

And what a mess she was leaving to. As much as she was looking to seeing her mother, Kane, Raven, Monty and her other friends again, she didn’t want to go back at all. Everything had changed so much and she didn’t understand how a camp of teenagers trying to survive changed into a camp of people willing to kill anyone in their way.

She wanted to think that it was all Pike’s doing, but something inside her knew that there had always been hostile feelings towards the Grounders. She just hadn’t expected those feelings to turn into a massacre of 300 innocent people.

Clarke couldn’t really judge, though. She herself had blood on her hands. A shiver went down her shoulder blades as she opened her eyes and turned to look at Lexa, trying to shift her attention from Mount Weather to Lexa’s breathing on her shoulder.

She kissed Lexa’s forehead again, content with the way Lexa was wrapped up in her arms. This was where she wanted to stay forever.

She could just imagine it. No more wars. No more kill orders. No more deaths. Just Lexa in her arms, forever. Lexa showing her around Polis. Lexa teaching her everything about Grounder culture and Clarke in turn teaching her about Skykru. Lexa having family dinner with her mom – although God knows how that was gonna turn out, Clarke thought, smiling to herself.

 

 

She lay awake for another hour and, knowing that she had pushed this forward as much as she could, prepared herself to get up. She sat up slowly and looked around for her clothes. They were spread all over the room, she realized with a smile. Reluctantly, she got up and started picking up all her pieces of clothing.  

When Clarke was fully dressed, she walked over to the bed and sat down next to Lexa. Playing with Lexa’s hair, she watched the commander sleep. There was little that calmed her down so much as watching Lexa sleep. It must look funny from the outside, she thought, the commander of death  playing with the commander of the thirteen clans’ hair. She was just about to give Lexa a last kiss on the forehead and leave the room when Lexa’s eyes opened slowly.

Seeing Clarke dressed didn’t catch Lexa off guard, which kind of surprised Clarke. Then again, Lexa had probably already made peace with the fact Clarke had to leave. Instead of saying something, Lexa moved her hand over to Clarke’s to tangle their fingers.

For a while, they just stared at each other. Clarke took in the way Lexa’s mouth was hanging open slightly and her eyes weren’t fully opened yet. Lexa looked so adorable it almost made her crawl back under the furs that covered the bed.  

“I’ll be back,” Clarke said after a while, in a soft voice. She let her fingers stroke over the back of Lexa’s hand.

“I know,” Lexa mumbled and she frowned as if she wanted to say that it didn’t make the goodbye any easier. Clarke chuckled at Lexa’s childlike expression and kissed Lexa, tangling her hands in Lexa’s wavy hair. Lexa tasted like sleep and bad breath, but Clarke didn’t mind much.

“I’ll see you soon,” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s lips, wanting to give her more reassurance than “May we meet again” could.

When Clarke moved away, Lexa sat up, rubbing at her eyes and licking her lips. She watched as Clarke shot her one last look and walked towards the door, pulling it open slowly.

“Clarke?” she asked, sleep apparent in her voice.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Clarke smiled.

“I know.”

 

And she _would_ be back. She would be back soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any errors. I just wrote this up real quick because I wanted to give you guys something, some hope. 
> 
> One of the reasons I didn't write a happy ending to my other Clexa fic was because the canon was going strong. I knew that a lot of people wouldn't be happy with a sad ending, but I felt like I could write it because in the actual show, there was a lot of hope for Clexa. I completely trusted that Jason was giving Clexa a happy ending. 
> 
> I was invested in this show because I felt like this producer would treat our ship right, would treat our representation right. However, that wasn't what he did. I guess we could argue about whether Jason is the bad guy or not, but that wasn't what I wrote this note for. 
> 
> As soon as I saw 3x07, I felt really guilty for the ending I wrote for "i found love". I thought, "but who's gonna treat this ship right now?" and I felt guilty that I hadn't. That's why I wrote this fic.
> 
> I honestly believe Lexa deserved better and that Clexa deserved better. I have seen a lot of people enormously sad and anxious over this, people actually thinking about suicide. All I can say is please please please know that this is not what queer relationships are like in real life. Queer women get happy endings. You will get your happy ending. You are completely justified in the emotions you are feeling but please do remember that this is not real life. You are gonna get all the light and the happiness, but you're gonna have to be alive to see it. 
> 
> And otherwise, Lindsey Morgan will always be there to bitch about Jason Rothenberg with you.


End file.
